Well, here I am, finally doing this blog thing. It is something that I’ve been thinking about for a long time, but being the procrastinator that I am, never got around to doing. Of course, here comes a trusted friend to give me a much needed push and nudge in the right direction, and my fingers are actually typing this first post. Those of you who are as busy, lazy, fearful and neurotic as I am would understand what a big deal this is.
First, I had to decide whether I would blog as myself, or as an anonymous writer, perhaps under a pseudonym. Although there are pros and cons to both ways, for now I have decided to be myself. Hey, at least this way some of my friends would read this if not out of curiousity, then may be out of polite pity. If this does not go so well, and I get too tangled up in trying to appease everyone I know and to maintain a certain online persona while compromising the intergrity of my writing, I can always pull the plug on this Sveta Kim blog thing.
I had this vision of some literary gem of a first blog post in my head, and that vision totally went down the drain early this morning. My little one woke me up at 3 am. She started sleeping throught the night about three weeks ago, and has not been up at such an ungodly hour for a long time. Yet here she was, at 3:15 am, wailing. How did she know it was my first night without my husband, who is traveling for work for a few days this week? I was already cold and lonesome in our bed, and now this. I got up to check on her, tiptoeing to her room and quietly peeking in. She seemed fine – wailing, but not tangled up in her mosquito net, or stuffed under the breathable bumpers, or stuck in that one spot where two crib wall bars still have a gap between them. I went out to the living room, got my laptop out and spied on her through the webcam. Then my mind went through the whole “Should I get her? Leave her alone? What is best for her? Will this mess up sleeping through the night thing?” line of thinking.
To distract myself from this self-torture, I decided to check my email. What do I see? An email from my husband telling me that there are weird charges on our Visa card that we share. I go look for my card – and it is strangely not in my wallet. Everything else is there, including cash, but not the Visa card. Lovely – just as he is traveling and relying on that same Visa account for his expenses. There are tons of credit card fraud in El Salvador, and we are frequently warned to be very careful with our cards and where we use them. So instead of creating a fabulous, worldly, exciting and thrilling first post, now my mind is anxious about the credit card and tired from the sleepless night, and you get a very ho hum blog. I guess that’s how life is, especially life with a six-months old in a crime-ridden country. But I did it – I wrote my first blog entry! Now Ms. Anastasia is up from her morning nap, which means I have to say good bye. Until the next baby nap, or a case of my insomnia – whichever comes first.